Frequently Asked Questions

DEFINITIONS:


Arousal - The body physically preparing for sex.

Petting - Touching the sensitive areas of the body, above or below the clothing, with the hand and or mouth.


Oral Sex - Oral stimulation of the genitals.


Sexual Activity - Bodily contact for the purpose of sexual gratification.


Sexual Intercourse - Physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person.


Virgin - Someone who has not had sexual intercourse.


How do you know when you are ready for sex?
The decision to become sexually active is probably one of the most important decisions you will make. Make sure you understand all of the possible results of becoming sexually active (Pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Infections, Emotional Pain.)

You can ask yourself a few questions:


Will this decision have any impact on my future?


Would I want my future spouse to do this?

Am I prepared to deal with all of the consequences of becoming sexually active?

Am I ready to be a parent?

Waiting to have sex until marriage is the healthiest for individuals, families and societies.

How do you talk to your parents about sex?
Tell them you have some questions about sex. You may feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. They may feel the same way. Have your questions written down in advance and be direct. Your parents might be more embarrassed than you, but you have their complete attention and they will respond to you.

Here are some sample questions to get conversation going:


How was sex viewed when you were a teenager?


Until when should somebody wait to have sex?


All my friends say sex is such a big deal, what do you think?

If you feel uncomfortable and have more questions you can write to ASK AWARE and our professional staff will respond.

My boyfriend says he really loves me and I really love him but I don't want to have sex and he does. Should I do it?
Ask yourself what true love is. Does love put another person at risk? If he really loves you he will do what is best for both of you in the long run, not just what feels good for the moment. Having sex puts you at risk for STI's, unplanned pregnancy and emotional pain. Make it clear to him that you love him and that you want to show him love by waiting. Waiting teaches self-control, putting others first and goal setting. These qualities are all incredibly important in a relationship and will prepare you for your future marriage.
How can you tell someone that you don't want to do some sexual things without them thinking you are scared or afraid? How can you make them respect your decision?
If you give in to this peer pressure, will they respect you more or less? Most likely, if you stick to your values, you will be respected (though you may not know it right away).
How do I tell a guy "no" without making him mad or hurting his feelings?
It depends how well you know him. If you value his friendship, try this: (positive statement) I really like you, (the truth) but I feel uncomfortable going past (your boundary________), (suggest alternative activity) so how about going out for ice cream?
If he responds positively, he respects you and your values. If he becomes angry or leaves he probably doesn't care for you, but really you've lost nothing!
What if you turn down a girl physically, and she tells her friends and they make fun of you?
This may be tough, however, by choosing to stick to your boundaries you are respecting yourself and her even more.
I don't feel ready for sex, but I'm afraid if I don't do it with my boyfriend/girlfriend s/he will break up with me. What should I do?
If someone truly loves you, they will respect your values and your decisions. Be honest and clear about your feelings. Don't send mixed messages in order to hold onto the relationship. If the person breaks up with you because you say no, then they probably don't love you in the way you deserve.
I have had sex before and I am just now realizing that I don't want to do it again until I get married. I don't like the choice I've already made. What do I do?
It is never too late to make a new decision. Forgive yourself and make a commitment to start over. Set physical boundaries and ask people in your life to support you in your decision. Be patient with yourself as you make these new boundaries. It takes time to learn new behaviors and new ways of dealing with sexual feelings. This may not be an easy decision but you will probably never regret the choice to start over.
What if you have gone further than you would have liked (but not "all the way") what can you do?
First of all, forgive yourself. Determine what your boundaries are and stick to them.
If you have sex and then don't for a year or two, are you a virgin again?
Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines virgin as "a person who has not had sexual intercourse.", so you can't go back to that. However, time can help you heal from broken bonding and other emotional baggage. Reserving sexual expression until marriage is the safest choice you can make and many people make the choice to start over.
I think I might have an STI. How do I know and what do I do?
STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) have many and varying symptoms. You can find some of this information on our website. However, some are asymptomatic, meaning they have NO symptoms, but you still have the STI. Regardless, if you have been sexually active in any way, you should contact your local health department and get an examination. You can find information on Clark County's Department of Health at 360-397-8215.
Is it possible to get tested for STI's, HIV, and AIDS without your parents finding out?
It is possible to get tested without your parent’s knowledge. However, it is strongly suggested that you talk to your parents about getting tested. As with any medical concern it is best that your parents know since they are legally responsible for you.
How far should I go?
No one can make that decision for you. A few things to consider are each person's arousal point, morals and values. If your goal is to abstain from sex until marriage then avoiding arousal will help you in this goal. Arousal is when your body is physically preparing for sex. Anything that promotes your body to become aroused puts you at risk for going farther than you want. However, you can always stop at any point.
Is kissing OK?
That depends on what is right for you.

Ask yourself these questions:

Does kissing promote arousal?

Does the kind of kissing I'm doing tempt me to go farther?

Would I want my future spouse engaging in this behavior?

How far should you go on the first date?
Nowadays, many people don't date so much as they "hang out". Take time to build friendship first so there is a degree of trust between you. Friendship is the most important element in a relationship.
Before a relationship begins, should you tell what you don't want to do sexually?
While you're becoming friends, you should communicate your values and standards to the other person. Setting boundaries before you are in any situation is helpful. Make sure you present your boundaries clearly and consistently. Remember, someone who cares about you will respect your boundaries.
Is it alright to do other stuff besides vaginal intercourse, like oral sex?
First of all, to quote Dr. Phil, "If it involves a sex organ, it's sex." It is not something other than sex. IT IS SEX. Merriam- Webster defines intercourse as "physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person". There are many risks involved in oral intercourse. STI's can be transmitted during oral and anal intercourse.
Do the types of clothes you wear have something to do with the way guys look at you?
The way a person dresses always says something about them. People in the 1960's probably thought they looked pretty cool. Now we look at them and laugh at their big hairdos and funny clothes. Our culture dictates to us what is fashionable. Sometimes we think we're not influenced by the culture but we are. With that in mind, be aware of what the culture is telling you is acceptable. Be aware of what kind of message you are sending with the clothes you wear. In an ideal world you could wear whatever you want and it wouldn't affect anybody, but how we dress DOES affect other people. So ask yourself, what message do I want to send? Am I dressed appropriately for the situation? (You'd never wear sweat pants to an interview).
Why do drugs and alcohol sometimes make people want to have sex?
Alcohol and other drugs make you lose your inhibitions (your self-control). If a person chooses to drink or take drugs they are giving up their power of control to that substance. Do you really want to let a substance make your decisions for you?
What if someone forced you to have sex? What do you do?
You need to get help. If someone forced you to have sex or have sexual contact you have been sexually assaulted and it should be reported. Take a supportive parent or friend with you. Don't shower or change your clothes. Call your support person right away and call the police or a rape hotline. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE(4673). Remember that it is not your fault. If it has happened in the past and you haven't told anyone, tell someone now, even if it's months or years later. Talking about it starts the healing process and as with any wound it is important that it heal properly. Remember that you don't have to continue having sex just because you've been raped or assaulted. You can still choose to abstain from sex until you are married.
Does having sex make you a man?
Being a man means having character and integrity. Being a man means respecting other people and their choices. Being a man means making healthy decisions for the now and for the future. NO, sex does not make you a man.
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
Yes!!
Can watching pornography affect the way you think about sex?
Pornographic images can make you believe that all bodies are a certain shape (which they are not) so it creates an unreal idea of what your spouse should look like. You've potentially conditioned your brain to be aroused by a picture or a fantasy instead of a real person. Porn addiction is real and very detrimental to relationships and marriages. It may seem harmless at first but it has the potential to be very damaging.
Is masturbation OK?
As with all sexual behavior you will have to decide what you choose to engage in. Do consider that masturbation is often practiced in while viewing pornography. Both of these behaviors have the ability to become addictive. As with anything that can be addictive, it is best to steer clear and find other healthy activities to engage in.
Is there a problem with having multiple partners?
Besides the increased risk of STIs, emotional pain is possible and can be very damaging. Most people know that any break up hurts but when sex is involved it is usually that much more difficult. Each time a person has another sexual partner they are putting themselves at risk to be hurt again. They can be affected either physically, through an STI or an unintended pregnancy, or through emotional pain. Remember it is never too late to start over. If you have had multiple partners you can still decrease your risk by stopping your sexual activity and waiting until you are married to have sex again.